|TED for The Eighth Dwarf, obviously|
Something mystical occurred as my boyfriend and I visited the curiously empty Night Safari a few days ago. We were walking along the "jungle trail" when we found a deserted gazebo in the dark (if those lines just led you to expect something kinky it's probably time to leave). From that gazebo the painfully artificial landscape of the park was in full panoramic view and right in the center of it, a pack of spotted hyenas were bathing in the yellow light. Hyenas, with their disgusting little laughs and disgusting little way of walking/limping, have built quite a reputation for themselves as the No. 1 go-to villain in your run-of-the-mill fables. However, the moment I laid eyes on them, these heinous-looking creatures managed to stir my stone cold heart as they rose up with dignity, looking up at me with an expression of vulnerability mixed with utter respect (and possibly hunger but let's not get into that). I was struck by a gold rush, and my first instinct would be to Circle of Life the shit out of them, if it wasn't for the terrible representation of hyenas in that movie. So I bowed instead. I bowed as a drop of tear streamed down my fat cheek. I don't know whether or not it was an acid flashback (or acid flash forward since i've never had any) but I felt like I saw one of them nod a little. A bright aureole gradually creeped up around those creatures, and as I looked on with wonder, a soft whisper was brought upon me by the wind, and it said... "The Eighth Dwarf"
Okay maybe that last part didn't happen. Neither did the part before that. Nevertheless I did have a moment with the hyenas and I did bow down to them. I feel like they're my new muse. Mother Nature's most misunderstood creation ever, they're like the James Gandolfini of the animal world. Among all the nocturnals in Night Safari -- including those overrated sugar gliders and wallabies -- the hyenas were the only ones that showed good manners. Those deep brown eyes could easily make any girl melt into a pink and glittery puddle. They impressed me so much I have heralded them as the mascot for the rebirth of my blog. GOD BLESS THE HYENAS. AND GOD BLESS THE EIGHTH DWARF.
|If this isn't the definition of sexy beyond measures I don't know what is.|